My Hipster Roommate

this email was received by Hipster Girls with permission to reprint on our blog…

Dear Hipster Girls,

My roommate turned into a hipster right before my eyes. She didn’t start out being a hipster. For the past year, she pursued different looks to gain the most attention on social media. For a while she was a bleach blonde Barbie, but she didn’t have the Barbie face or figure, so that look didn’t work. She went over to the emo fangirl look (a real subniche) where girls do themselves up in emo hair and makeup, but wear fangirl band merch tshirts layered with flannel shirts depending on the time of the season. She really didn’t take off on social media with that look, but she ended up with a bunch of cheesy tattoos.

Her job as a barrista never failed her, through all the different look permutations. I assume she saw plenty of hipsters at the coffee shop, and perhaps she noticed the hipster girls got mucho attention from hipster boys. The coffee shop where she works is a really trendsetter, decaf only! I shite you not! Serves decaf only coffee and tea. It’s hard to believe that a place like that would be popular, but it is! At least until the novelty wears off??

So then her next and current look is hipster. She let her hair grow and grow, keeping it in its original drab hippie brown. Off duty, she wears hipster outfits that she pieces together from various thrift and charity shops. She does have to wear a coffee shop shirt with khakis for work and keep her hair back in a ponytail. She was also written up for hygiene violations (three violations and you’re out) and had to go back to wearing real deodorant, since one thing she began to do after converting to Hipster-ism was use this natural deodorant crystal that didn’t work. I thought she was wearing NO deodorant at all. Her garlicky smelling pits were stinking up the decaf joint! She was forced back to an actual deodorant fairly quickly even though she complained all over social media about the “corporate deodorant police”. I was also relieved when she had to use real B.O. control because the apartment was beginning to get saturated with her armpit stank. Even my cat went scurrying under the bed whenever he could smell her putrid pits.

She seems to be very popular with other hipsters on social media. As long as she is satisfying her attention whore needs as a hipster, I wonder if she will stay in fake hipster mode for a while. It makes me wonder how many hipster chicks are just faking it for attention?? I just hope she keeps this job, so she doesn’t go back to using that deodorant crystal and making our place smell like Pepe LePew.

Webcam Relationships are Hip

It is very hipster these days to be polyamorous and non-conformist. It is also hip to have a webcam Mistress or girlfriend. Hipster dudes may not look like they have a lot of money, but many are just pretending they exist in a state of poverty, because that is the cool hipster thing to do. However, many hipsters pursue the latest technology including the newest apps and other virtual connections. Hipsters don’t feel that relationships have to be physical to be real. That is why Mistress Anna is so popular in the virtual world. She is also known as Mistress Nylons and often wears hipster eyeglasses, retro glamour lingerie and stockings during Femdom webcam shows to tease and dominate her faithful fans. Her stunning blonde looks recall vintage Hollywoods starlets like Veronica Lake and Lana Turner. It’s so easy to see from one single photo why she is so devastatingly popular online on live Mistress webcam.

Mistress Nylons Hipster

Mistress Nylons can be both sensual and strict. Like most beautiful women, her moods and sexy attire varies. However, there is one thing that does not change. Mistress Anna craves luxury and her slaves and submissives must pay for her luxurious lifestyle. While her style of living is antithetical to the hipster habit of deliberate austerity, Miss Anna doesn’t care. She lives her life the way she wants to live it, she is an iconoclast. Why not read more about this blonde beauty on her blog MistressNylons.com right now? Find out more details about engaging in a Dominatrix webcam show with her. As a hipster, you may also hate paying your government taxes, but you will love paying cam Mistress Anna your slave taxes! Follow Mistress Anna on Twitter @MistressNylons

Hipster House

There is a trendy movement toward owning tiny houses and embracing the simple, minimalist lifestyle which accompanies living in smaller spaces. It isn’t all about living as frugal, as thrifty or as debt-free as possible. Although, hipsters often live alternative lifestyles which encompass frugality and thrift. Yet others are concerned with appearances, they want to give the impression that they are living cheap… A hipster would generally reject living in a cookie cutter wallboard McMansion in a subdivision in favor of living in a small home. Rejecting the typical expenses of owning a huge home along with the maintenance hassles, hipsters are definitely into the tiny house movement. Some of these small homes are built on trailer bodies, so they can be hauled from place to place like campers. Hipsters can thus move around the country like hippie gypsies in what the Brits would call a “caravan” (a trailer home).

The tiny hipster house featured in this article is a unique cottage home in Portland, Oregon (a very hipster-ish city). The exterior of the house bears flattened tomato sauce cans and lids as functional siding. No, these hipsters aren’t into Andy Warhol. These hipsters hired a designer to design their tiny home from an existing cottage known as a witch’s cottage (think of the gingerbread style witch’s cottage in the fairy tale Hansel & Gretel). The designers had a local pizzeria save dozens of aluminum pizza sauce cans which they utilized on the exterior of the cottage as artsy “shingles”. Many recycled, repurposed or reclaimed items were used to jazz up the design and living quarters. On the interior, Trader Joe’s grocery bags are used as wallpaper, tres hipster! Watch the tiny house video to see the various details and design elements that went into transforming this small cottage into an artsy hipster space.

Hipster Food Trucks Evil

It’s true, the FBI has identified Hipster Food Trucks and Bustaurants (buses retrofitted as mobile restaurants) as evil! Not because of the muchas cucarachas they harbor or the salmonella special they serve up, but because hipster food trucks can easily hide nefarious activities. Let’s examine Hipster Food Trucks more closely than the Board of Health does. Hipster food trucks are obviously mobile and can hide an army of more than bitchin’ bacteria. So, the FBI is concerned that hipster chuck wagons can be used as devious surveillance vehicles by parties with evil intentions… other than causing gastric distress.

Hipster Food Truck Evil

In addition, hipster food trucks can be parked near large crowds or strategic buildings without relative suspicion. The bottom line drawn by the gov is that hipster food trucks represent the classic Trojan Horse and they already exist in almost every large city or hipster hub in America. Hence, the public is used to seeing these roach coaches and would not consider them evil until they get the runs from that bad burrito or fried panko crusted tilapia. The FBI wants to keep their eye on hipster food trucks and possibly have local governments impose more regulation on their licensing, inspection and parking locations. While it seems a little paranoid of the gov to suspect hipster food trucks of domestic terrorism, the more you think about it, it does make sense.

Hipster Cars

Hipster Cars

Are “hipster cars” an oxymoron? Pop belief #1 that hipsters hate cars and prefer hoofing it or riding cool hipster bikes. Pop belief #2 that hipsters can’t afford cars. But even hipsters who can afford cars embrace poverty as cool and autos as uncool, a symbol of consumerism and greed despite the financial means to own a car.

Do all hipsters reject car culture? In some cases, they live where cars are not absolutely necessary. Think urban hipsters. Bikes and public “transpo” or even two footed transportation is sufficient without the heavy duty investment of buying a car, insuring a car, paying for parking, gas and maintenance or in some states, inspections and hefty car taxes. Car ownership can cost thousands of dollars per year, aside from car payments. Nevertheless, some hipsters invest their scarce dollars in smart phones, gadgets and devices that mark cult status. These spendy items are ironically recognized as part of America’s consumerist culture (think iPods, iPhones, Macbook Airs and other Apple products). Are hipsters in consumerist denial?

One hip dude who suggested this article to our blog informed us that hipsters are separatists who don’t indulge in the same buying cycle or life cycle of generations prior, generations where consumers absolutely felt the need to buy and drive cars at a young age and also got married or started families at a younger age. Hipsters are setting a new timeline as to when they may need a car and possess a different ethic on what it means to need a car. Hipsters and cars are not necessarily connected at the hip. Buying a car will frequently happen later in a hipster’s life as reported by market research groups who delve into auto buying habits and strategize advertisements to potential car buyers. These groups have determined that Generation Y buyers (post Generation X, Gen Y is the young generation of this century to date and include hipsters as a subspecies) typically reject the idea of buying new cars with exception to electric cars and hybrid vehicles. Hipsters also prefer beat, cheap, used and also vintage cars if car ownership is a must for commuting or lifestyle.

photo c/o Mr. Mook from Subdriven

UK Hipsters

It’s a general consensus that being a hipster started right here in the good ol’ U S of A. However, the trend seems to have slipped past our borders and headed to Canada and the entire United Kingdom. Yes, that’s right, now we’ve got ourselves some Canadian and British hipsters to write about! There are many different adaptations to the hipster style and lifestyle already and surely more will come. But for now, let’s take a peek at some of the newest trends among UK hipsters.

First, you have the troika of lumberjacks, indies and musos. The lumberjacks enjoy running around in their flannel shirts, work boots and hunting caps, knit hats or trucker caps while they wear some messed up facial hair. They use climber carabiners as accessories attached to the loops of their jeans (like punks use oversized safety pins). None of them cut wood, unless of course, you mean metaphorically {wink}.

Hipster Lumberjacks

The indie hipsters loves to drink alcohol from a jar instead of a glass. Regular cups and glasses aren’t something indies comprehend. While they consider themselves to be indies, they tend to copycat trends and are completely unoriginal. Musos are only hipsters in one area of influence, music. And they definitely do not want to be associated with indies. Musos are obsessed by music. It is their life. Their most coveted music finds are collectible or rare vinyl records.

The next batch of UK hipsters are the nerds. Nerds love to wear the nerdiest clothing and accessories. They don’t care what others think of their nerdiness, because they completely lack any social skills such as social awareness. They also embrace nerdy jobs, no matter how low-paying, which carves their nerd status on the hipster tribe’s totem pole.

The final batch of UK hipsters are hipster parents and these hipsters follow a radical hipsterism concept, perhaps closer resembling parents of the hippie movement of the 1960s. These hipsters have decided that for some reason it’s a great idea to raise their offspring in a way that’s different and often unacceptable by society’s norms. They do things unconventionally and against the grain, from the way they dress their spawn to the way they teach them how to do things (rejecting school-based learning) and much more.

Here is an excerpt from an email from a UK reader of our blog. She suggested that we write about UK Hipsters and included this Hipster Parents gem:

My cousin and her husband of all people decided that they weren’t going to restrict their son with a diaper as he explores the world. They diapered him from birth until he starting walking, but now he wears no nappies. The result of something as stupid as this is that he ends up urinating all over, because he’s not toilet trained. At a recent family gathering at my Mum’s, he peed on an expensive Oriental carpet and my Mum had a fit. My Mum laid down the law in her house and he either comes in nappies or can’t visit again, nor can my cousin and her husband, until he’s potty trained. Yes, in the UK, this is known as nappy free, and sometimes the result of letting a lil rugrat go nappy free is that people like my Mum tell my cousin that she and her family are no longer welcome in her home! Sounds extreme, but then again, hipsters can be extreme, too. They even gave him a hipster name as in weird, the scientific name of a dinosaur! Who would do that to their babe? They call him Tyro for short. Can you imagine growing up with a name like that? Maybe he will become a muso and call himself T. Rex instead.

Hipster Lumberjacks pic c/o Trendhunter.com

Neck Beards Hipster or Unhipster

Here at Hipster Girls, we received an email absolutely asserting that the Amish Hipster trend grew out of the Neck Beard trend. So, we will take a closer look at: Neck Beards Hipster or Unhipster? According to Encyclopedia Dramatica, the 3rd source of all knowledge after Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary, The Neck Beard trend apparently started with gamers going manic, locked into gaming mode for days, while ignoring the daily routine of shaving beard stubble as well as other elements of personal hygiene. Note to male gamers and hipster boys from hipster girls: Taking a shower and applying deodorant is a good thing. In addition, these go-go gamers were porking out from gobbling too much delivery pizza and snack food crap while glued to their pleather chairs. To hide bulging neck lard or the dreaded double chinnigan, the neck pubes or neck beard was retained as camouflage. Well, as much camouflage as these gamer nerds thought it provided, because gamer girls and hipster girls knew the reason for their neck beards was not to look cool or hip. Neck beards aren’t counter culture like the total Amish Hipster look including Amish-esque beards accompanied by Amish hipster clothing ensembles. Neck bearded gamer nerds are just what they appear to be. The neck beard exceptions are those who have ceased and desisted from shaving due to razor exacerbated acne aggro.

Neck Beard

Hayden Christensen with Neck Beard

There are many trends in the trendiverse and sometimes it’s difficult to keep them all straight or spot their origin, especially with the internet making a geo-locale less of a pinpoint for trend-spotting. But hey, whatever unkempt facial hair on the male of the species, hipster girls generally prefer weed-trimming even if hipster girls are sometimes known to let their bushes go au naturel. The au naturel look is mainly for the hippie sect of hipster-ism and not espoused by all hipster girls. Therefore, we conclude that neck beards are rather unhipster.

NB: No, that isn’t an acronym for Neck Beard, it’s an acronym for the Latin – Nota Bene. Hipster Girls wishes to acknowledge that neck beard is also spelled neckbeard due to the trendy hipster way of combining two words into one word. Is that supposed to be hip or ironic?

photo c/o : Xposure

Will Pabst Blue Ribbon Save Twinkies

Will Pabst Blue Ribbon Save Twinkies? The vulture capitalists at C. Dean Metropoulos and Co., are hot and heavy to snap up Hostess Brands now that Hostess is in the financial hopper. C. Dean saved Pabst Blue Ribbon, Chef Boyardee, Bumble Bee Tuna and PAM Cooking Spray from extinction. C. Dean’s dough boys expect any brand acquisition will be revitalized and turn a profit. Saving a brand is secondary to ROI. The vultures are swarming over the big time bakery now that Hostess has been set free of the union burden. In addition, Hostess can now be acquired without buying their jurassic mass production Twinkie factories.

Why Hipsters Love Food and Drink Brands

Hipsters loves PBR. PBR is one of their ironic beers of choice aside from the craft beer hipster snobbery. There are many theories why hipsters love specific food and drink. Hipsters look for: Cheap. American. Vintage. Ironic. A hipster element such as hipster cache. PBR hipster cache is evidenced in the classic film “Blue Velvet” where Dennis Hopper’s character vehemently demands a Pabst. PBR has been an American brew for over 100 years and was known as a working man’s hops scotch priced cheap until it mutated to a hipster brand in the 21st century of hipsterism. Pabst Blue Ribbon is also a hipster girls barley pop due to its light pilsner sweetness. Hipster girls don’t like bitter ale.

Hipster Foods

Twinkies and the Hostess Brand baked goodies have never been perceived as hipster foods even though they are a cheap American brand with a vintage image. Instead, they have been the food lust of stoners, lunch boxers and impulse buyers at convenience stores. Starving hipsters are known to buy Chef Boyardee canned pasta at the dollar store and chow it straight out of the can like old school ready-to-eat military C rations.

PBR and Twinkies

Other food conglomerates and vulture capitalists are descending over the fresh bankruptcy kill that is Hostess Brands. Will Pabst Blue Ribbon Save Twinkies? If the price is right…

pic via Flickr member: Farm4

Taylor Swift Unhipster

Taylor Swift is the antithesis of hipster. She doesn’t pretend to be a hipster singer, she knows that the pot of gold lies at the end of the faux country girl with a broken heart rainbow. However, she revealed something interesting in a recent interview. That her ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal tried to convert her to Hipster Girl! Apparently, Jake G hated her country pop music with a passion and vengeance. He kept making her listen to hipster bands and hipster music! Jake G is a regular SXSW attendee and a fan of indie and hipster bands and musical artists such as The Pixies, Beck, Belle and Sebastian, Radiohead, Vampire Weekend, Rufus Wainwright, Bob Dylan and more. Jake was even hooked up with indie music goddess Jenny Lewis of hipster band Rilo Kiley for a while. It must have been an issue to be with Taylor Swift unhipster girlfriend. But the irony is… could you really say that Jake Gyllenhaal is a hipster boy or does he just take on hipster roles in some of the films he appears in? Does Jake merely like hipster music, but isn’t a real hipster? This is absolutely possible as we all know of people who have hipster musical tastes, but aren’t hipster whatsoever.

taylor-swift-jake-gyllenhaal-nashville-hipsters

So, Jake G tried to break Taylor Swift of her sappy music and syrupy confessional songwriting habit, but when Taylor makes over $40 million a year writing break-up songs about her starfucker ex-boyfriends (including Jake!) why should she switch to hipster singer? Although Taylor Swift’s fans are so rabid and vapid, they would most likely buy any music she writes and performs even if she did become a Hipster Girl Singer. So was the Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal relationship doomed from the start over their musical differences? Taylor Swift also dated Joe Jonas (more her musical equal) and John Mayer (talented, but faux Blues boy).

Fake Hipsters

Do you know what Hipster Girls hate the most? Boys who are fake Hipsters. No hipster girl in her right mind would ever want or be with a fake hipster boy. There are a lot of fake hipsters on the street, in cafes and standing around noshing by the hipster food trucks. Hipster fakes flaunting their retro glasses, wearing button down shirts with skinny jeans bottomed off with Toms canvas slip-ons or Keds. OK I can forgive fake-o hipsterites if they are wearing Toms, since Toms donates a pair of shoes to the needy for every pair that hipsters or fake hipsters buy.

Fake Hipster Boy

How do you spot a fake hipster when both real and fake might be wearing the exact same attire? Starbucks is a giveaway. No real Hipster goes to Starbucks. Fake hipsters think that going to Starbucks to browse the internet with nothing but Google Chrome on their tablet or laptop is what it means to be a hipster. Wrong! Real hipster boys don’t even know they are hipster because deep inside, within that authentic hipster mind of theirs, they will never be quite hipster enough. Thinking you are a Hipster by buying $300 custom vintage jeans isn’t hipster. It’s consumerism in an attempt to be hipster. It will always be looked down upon by hipster girls when it comes to guys who have no idea what it means to be a true hipster. Take off that damn knit hat that your grandmother made for you last Christmas or that you bought at Urban Outfitters! Shed the argyle vests, because they do not look good on you fake hipster boys! If you are nothing but a fake and a phony, you are not a hipster. You are a sheep in wolf’s clothing that you bought with your PETA Visa card. Baaaaaa.


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